Log in

No account? Create an account
Bodhisattvas' Journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 10 entries

Friday, December 4th, 2009
09:00 pm - Dealing with Difficult People

Dealing With Difficult People

It is not unusual to find difficult people in this world. Everywhere, at work, at home, from every type of person, old, young, rich, or poor, there may stubborn, closed-minded, or easily angered people. Often they are critical of others and yourself and are difficult to communicate or deal with. First of all, there is nothing wrong with having difficult people. Even monks, nuns and the Buddha faced such people in their lives and we still do, everyone must face these types of people no matter who you are. There is a famous story of such an encounter between the Buddha and a ‘difficult person’ named Akkosina.

Akkosina’s name means “Not Getting Angry” but he was the exact opposite of his name. Akkosina was easily angered and was always angry about something or someone. When he heard that the Buddha did not get angry with anyone he immediately decided to visit him. He went up to the Buddha and scolded him for all sorts of things, insulting him and calling him awful names. At the end of this angry speech, the Buddha asked this man if he had any friends or relatives. “Yes.” Akokosina replied. “When you visit them, do you take them gifts?” the Buddha asked. “Of course, I always bring them gifts.” The angry man replied. “Then what happens if they don’t accept your gifts?” The Buddha asked. “Well I take them home and enjoy them with my own family” “And likewise,” said the Buddha, “You have brought me a gift here today that I do not accept, and so you may take that gift home to your family.” And so with patience, wit and loving friendliness, did the Buddha teach about how we react and accept the “gift” of angry words.

If we respond to insults, gossip, angry speech in general with mindfulness and loving friendliness, we are able to with patience take a better perspective of the situation. If you respond with anger, you will not hear the message behind the words. Perhaps the person is pointing out something you need to hear. Perhaps you need to point out something they need to hear as well and it must be done with a clear heart and mind. The Buddha said:

“In a Controversy the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for the truth and have begun striving for ourselves.”

The wisdom of this quote is that it shows that with anger our discussions become selfish and we are unable to express the loving friendliness helps solve life’s difficulties. The method to solve these difficulties is through patient honesty. We must not allow the difficult people to assume victory, this requires patience and the ability to explain your side of the argument through truthful and friendly disagreement. You must not change your opinion or actions in a negative way to deal with someone who is critical or angry. Do not add fuel to the fire of the argument when dealing with people who speak unwholesomely, are stubborn, who gossip, or have a quick temper. Instead speak words of wisdom and explain that the path they travel is incorrect, and that the eight fold path is a wise journey to take. Human beings are emotional creatures, the oldest instincts we have are emotional, that is why we easily are influenced by our emotions. We therefore must evolve our mind to overcome these ancient responses so that we too do not become difficult when we deal with friends, family, or strangers.

“The wise who control their body, who control their tongue, who control their mind, are indeed well controlled.”

So with those words of the Buddha I urge you to go and act well with dilligient love and friendliness so that all who know you may also be lit with the candle of kindness. As the Buddha said:

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened, Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

With Metta, will all obstacles be overcome.

Rev G Medhankara and Lasith Witharana

current mood: chipper

Comment | 1

Monday, October 12th, 2009
05:53 pm - Seeing the Secret Goodness

The first principle of Buddhist psychology:

See the inner nobility and beauty of all human beings.


Wait for a day when you awaken in a fine mood, when your heart is open to the world. If such days are rare, choose the best you have. Before you start for work, set the clear intention that during the morning you will look for the inner nobility of three people. Carry that intention in your heart as you speak or work with them. Notice how this perception affects your interaction with them, how it affects your own heart, how it affects your work. Then choose five more days of your best moods, and do this practice on each of those days.

After looking at three people a day in this way five times, set the clear intention to practice seeing the secret goodness for a whole day with as many people as you can. Of course, you will find certain people difficult. Save them for later, and practice first with those whose nobility and beauty is seen most easily. When you have done this as best as you can for a day, choose one day a week to continue this practice for a month or two.

Finally, as you become more naturally able to see the secret goodness, expand your practice. Add more days. Try practicing on days that are more stressful. Gradually include strangers and difficult people, until your heart learns to silently acknowledge and bless all whom you meet. Aim to see as many beings as you can with a silent, loving respect. Go through the day as if you were the Dalai Lama undercover.

Excerpt from: The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield, p. 21

Comment | 2

Thursday, September 24th, 2009
01:41 pm - Hello, Dalai!


I am interested to hear the community's various viewpoints on this. Personally, I'd like the PC brigade to step off. What are your opinions on this, bodhisattvas?

Comment | 8

Monday, August 31st, 2009
05:53 am - Metriya Buddha - Crossposted from my Journal


Rebirth in Moon Capricorn

Posted on 2009.08.31 at 05:23
Current Location: Canada, Edmonton
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Will You Be There? - Michael Jackson
Tags: , , Im reading the Metro Edmonton and I read my horoscope for the weekend; It's a Keeper! Capricorn: Rermind yourself what a truly special and privileged individual you are.  You've got problems but you've also got more than most get in a lifetime. Won the Edmonton Calgary Soccer match 4-0 and pulled the VIP all night party at Empire.  Met some cool people!  Crashed at Jasons place who's movin to Winnipeg.

Also in the Metro Im looking at an article on this website www.shareintl.org so I checked it out and liked it=>

All through history the great reliigions have spoken about the return of a future leader and teacher.

The Chrisitians hope for the return of Christ, Buddhists await the comin of a new Buddha, While the Muslims await the Iman Mahdi; The Hindus, a reincarnation of Krishna while the Jews look for their Messiah.  How will we know Him?  Surely he will rin out hearts with a messae of sharing, justice and brotherhood.  How can we prepare the way for Him?  Each day brings opportunities, lare and small to act in favor of unity and justice.  Our Willingness to share will make a real difference in this world.

Many now expect the return of their awaited Teacher, whether they call him the Christ, Messiah, the fifth Buddha, Krishna, or the Imam Mahdi. Millions now know that the Teacher who fulfills all these expectations is already living among us.

Maitreya, the World Teacher, has not come alone, but with a group of wise Teachers who have long guided humanity from behind the scenes.

They are returning to the everyday world to help us solve our most critical global problems. Maitreya is not a religious leader, but an educator in the broadest sense. 

He is here to inspire us to create a new era based on sharing and justice, so that all may have the basic necessities of life: food, shelter, health care, and education. 

His open mission in the world is about to begin. As Maitreya himself has said: 'Soon, now very soon, you will see my face and hear my voice>

There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World

current mood: amused

Comment | 4

Monday, August 17th, 2009
09:50 pm - interpretation of a dream


I was wondering if anyone would mind helping me to interpret a dream that I had of Avalokitesvara. I'm hoping that this is allowed, I double checked the rules, but I didn't see anything about it. Apologies if need be.

The DreamCollapse )

current mood: contemplative

Comment | 1

Friday, July 17th, 2009
08:24 am - Breathing Innervation Question


I've been told by meditation instructors and naturopathic doctors that inhalation is controlled by sympathetic innervation, and exhalation is parasympathetic. Based in this, we are taught to change our meditation breathing based on whether we desire to emphasize activation or calming. The idea is that by extending the inhale and shortening the exhale, you increase your sympathetic activity. More often the idea of extending the exhale to double or more the length of the inhale is used, to help us release the stresses of modern life.

My question is this: It seems reasonable to me and I do believe that the autonomic innervation of breathing is as they say. My issue comes with the fact that by intentionally altering our breathing pattern, we are no longer breathing autonomically, or automatically. We have shifted over to another pathway for governing breathing, that starts at the frontal cortex with our will, instead of in the medullary (brainstem) breathing center. Are these new pathways also sympa/parasympathetic? Or not?

Based on my own experience (I breathe a lot) I would say that exhalation is only parasympathetic when you release and let the body do it autonomically. When I intentionally extend my exhale it no longer feels as relaxing to me. Anybody have more knowledge or experience with this???

(x-posted a bit)


Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
11:21 am - My Husband Died Sunday

Are there any chants/prayers in English that you know of? I will be having a remembrance party for him May 3rd and would like to have a few to read on that day.

Also if you know of any websites dealing with rituals for the family please let me know.

Thank you.

Comment | 6

Thursday, August 28th, 2008
08:40 am - Use down time to good advantage

"The affairs of the world will go on forever. Do not delay the practice of meditation."

-- Milarepa

In our busy schedules, we can often complain that we don’t have time to meditate. But if we are sincere in our desire to go inside, we can create our own moments of stillness in the midst of our activity.

Stopped at a traffic light? Do some deep breathing. Waiting in line at the bank or grocery store? Repeat an uplifting word such as ‘love’ or ‘peace.’ Riding the bus to and from work? Value these times as an opportunity to close your eyes and go within or to say a little prayer.

"Wherever you go in the midst of movement and activity, carry your stillness within you. Then the chaotic movement around you will never overshadow your access to the reservoir of creativity, the field of pure potentiality."

-- Deepak Chopra

current mood: peaceful

Comment | 4

Friday, August 22nd, 2008
03:58 pm - New to Buddhism

I thank the maintainers for permitting me to join this group.

I've been seeking a new direction for my spirit to follow and, last weekend, a friend suggested Buddhism. Since then, I have read a lot of what I could find on BuddhaNet and then went to the library and picked up all I could (small library but nine books seemed enough at the time) on The Gautama Buddha, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and other writings (all translations if they weren't originally in English).

I hope to learn more from the members here.


Comment | 9

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008
08:14 am - Relieve the Pressure Cooker

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.
-- Mary Manin Morrissey

Journaling is a great way to release and let go. To get things off your chest. Our minds are our own worst enemies. The same thoughts go round and round in the same old ways and keep us stuck.

If something bothers you, write about it. Get it out so you can see it from a different perspective. Let it out. Let it go.

Owning and healing your pressure cooker is an important step in claiming your power, building your esteem and making your stand.

"In truth, to attain to interior peace, one must be willing to pass through the contrary to peace. Such is the teaching of the Sages.
-- Swami Brahmanada

current mood: peaceful

Comment | 3

> previous 10 entries
> top of page